#JKLTip When making changes there is only one place to start, inside your heart, gut, and mind
So the song says “man in the mirror”. I get why, but the meaning behind the King of Pop’s song can easily be rewritten as “person in the mirror” when it comes to personal development or self-help.
When making positive changes or achieving goals we need to look at ourselves. In fact, we need only look at ourselves. But, this works far beyond making big life changes. In any interaction, altercation, challenge, or obstacle it’s best to look inside.
If you take this approach, with zero exception, I promise life will improve. Even if life is already pretty good, blaming anyone other than ourselves is an illness that eats away at our spirit. There are so many examples. It’s almost easier to say “just never blame anyone else”. It would be simple to summarize that way, but let’s look at a couple examples. I figure it’s worth a paragraph or two.
There are so many examples of personal development that we blame on others. For example, if you are trying to learn something and you feel your teacher is the reason your progress is slow what could you do? What if you have fitness and wellness goals. What are you doing about meditation, diet, sleep, exercise, to feel better about yourself? Or maybe if items are disorganized in your office or house? What systems are you putting in place to fix them?
If you start a business and are facing failure, it’s because of you, not bad luck. But, it’s not a bad thing at all, if you learn from it. All of these are because of lack of vision, planning and bad habits. This list could go on and on, so just two more.
A couple of classic examples. One of my all time favourites is arguing. An argument only takes place with two willing combatants. I especially like to point this out to parents and teachers. Because, kids could get under our skin, but big blow ups only happen with two fighters. This one probably hurts the most for many. Financial struggles. Beyond childhood poverty, or mental health we are all capable of the financial goals we desire. Our credit isn’t bad because of anyone else but ourselves. We don’t have to double-check the account to pay for breakfast in the morning because of anyone else. It’s because of a lack of vision, planning and bad habits.
Some Odds Are Better
When we strive for change, or personal development circumstance does play a role. We are all dealt a certain stack of cards. We all face unique situations that make things more, or less difficult than each other. It is still best to look within to decide how to make the most of those cards. The funny thing about bringing this topic up is we often feel it’s an attack, a way of saying “you’re lazy”. While it might be also that you are lazy, it is actually to help you, that’s what self-help should be about.
The main reason to take this person in the mirror approach is for that exact reason, to help you. At the end of the day the universe couldn’t give two shits about whether there’s a traffic jam, you spilled coffee on your shirt, or the baby cried all night. You don’t have to either, if you learn to focus within. You’ll live with more vitality and probably see a lot more joy, and less anger, so why not?