JKLTip When you look around the room, are you the person making the atmosphere the most welcoming and enjoyable for others?
Don’t be a pushover, but be easy to please. In fact, don’t allow others to dictate your mood. While this isn’t possible for everyone, it can be a goal for all of us. It gets a whole lot easier if you focus on two things. One, focus solely on what you can actually control. Two, focus on the things you have. Focusing on the positive’s in others, not what’s lacking.
It’s such a redeeming quality to be the thermostat of how your emotions impact others. Let me be clear, I’m not saying fake it. There is an importance in sadness, anger, and frustration. Those are valuable emotions to feel. They are important messages to share with the right people.
What I am saying is that as we get our own mental health in order, we can set a goal to make other people’s lives just a little easier.
Thermostat Or Thermometer?
There is a classic child psychology book that says don’t ever become a thermometer to children’s actions. This is because a thermometer simply fluctuates up and down, with no control, just reactions.
As an adult, with a mature brain you should learn to be the thermostat instead. For the kid’s sake, you must have the resolve to dictate the temperature and if you don’t have the ability, then you must find it. With practice, this gets easier. With the most challenging of teens, I find this a breeze (now).
I would like to take this one step further and get you to be the thermostat all the time. There are enough whiny, low energy people in the world. We have filled the cranky quota people.
When you are around others as much as you can, as much as possible, be the thermostat. Turn the dial up on easy-going, kind, and a pleasure to be around. This is a massively understated leadership trait of the 21st century. Make those around you more comfortable and we will build mental health at scale.
This is more difficult than it sounds because we can’t simply choose happiness. I am not naive to the fact that much of our emotional regulation, at times, is beyond our control. I am in no way oblivious to the realities of mental health. My only hope is that we can all make individual goals to improve.